being alone
by Douglas Messerli
Gerbrand Bakker The Twin, translated from the Dutch by David Colmer (Brooklyn, New
York: Archipelago Books, 2009)
At the same time, he throws out a number of pieces of furniture and a
rug, and reorganizes the downstairs. It is, as if, suddenly at the age of 57,
Helmer—who at the time of his identical twin brother Henk's death in 1967, has
been forced to leave the university and take his brother's place on their
farm—has recognized that this is now his
farm, and that he has earned the right to make decisions about his life.
Henk, although a few minutes younger than Helmer, had always taken the
lead in acting and was clearly their father's favorite, a son who looked
forward to continuing in father's footsteps. Helmer, more introverted and
intellectual, was determined to attend the university, and had recently begun
courses there. Now, years later, his bitterness toward his father is apparent,
and his treatment of the old man might, at times, appear almost to fall in the
category of elder abuse. But as this slow-moving, simply expressed fiction
develops, we slowly begin to understand the farmer's anger and frustration with
his empty life.
Bit by bit, we discern what Helmer himself seems never to be able to
comprehend, that the relationship with his brother was more than sibling love,
and that his inability since the fatal day of his brother's death to find
anyone to care for has not only to do with his isolation in terms of both his
temperament and the place, near Monnickendam in Northern Netherlands, where he
lives, but is intertwined with his attitudes toward sex.
Before his death, Henk had determined to marry Riet, a young blonde
woman who has come to live with the family. Riet, having just learned how to
drive, took her fiancé on a ride which ended in an accident and the tragedy
which changed Helmer's life. The father sent Riet away, while all these years
Helmer has suffered on, milking cows, watching the sheep, mucking out the
yearling's stall, and caring for the only animals he himself added to farm, two
donkeys, perhaps emblematizing his own stubborn aloofness from life.
Helmer's world, in short, until the special day in 2005, has been frozen
in time, as if with Henk's death this twin simply shut down.
Now, he suddenly sells two of his sheep, purchasing a map of Denmark to
place on his bedroom wall. He takes down photographs, repaints floors and
walls.
As Helmer proceeds with these gradual alterations to his home, we learn
more and more through his awakening memories of his father's psychological
abuse of both Helmer and his dead mother, and we gradually perceive other
moments that help us to understand Helmer's sexual conundrum. One of his
favorite moments of his youth, for example, concerns a hired hand who taught
him to skate. What Helmer most remembers, however, is not the lesson itself,
but the worker's hand against his "bum" and ultimately, the placement
of his body against the boy's back.
The friendship between the two, boy and the hired worker, Jaap expands
as Helmer visits the small hut where the worker lives. There is no sex
involved, only a kiss, and the two talk of everything but sexual matters, but
it becomes clear that Jaap is gay, and that Helmer's interest in him is
centered in that fact.
The father, sensing something strange in the situation, fires the
worker. In short, anyone who might have possibly demonstrated any love for
Helmer or shown him any affection has died or been sent off!
Coincidentally, Riet herself writes, asking if, after all these years,
she might come to see Helmer. She now has two grown daughters and a teenage son
from the husband she has married after Henk's death.
Somewhat reluctantly, Henk agrees to a visit, after which she pleads for
him to take on her son as a worker, perceiving of the boy's unhappiness in her
home. Helmer vaguely acquiesces, and the boy, also named Henk, is suddenly
sharing his quiet abode, where there is not even a television set.
Much like Helmer, Henk is also dissatisfied with his life, in part
because of his boredom at home, and the transition he is himself undergoing—he
is 18, probably the same age Helmer was when his twin died—and is unsure of his
direction in life.
Helmer puts him to work, but the boy does not always accomplish his
tasks, often sleeping in for the whole day. Yet the two do somehow get on,
Helmer purchasing a television set, buying him wine, and basically permitting
the youth to come to terms with the world in which he is involved. Ultimately,
Helmer, imitating the bad habits of his young guest, takes up smoking. Henk
even saves Helmer's life when the farmer is trapped under a sheep in a small
stream.
It appears that Henk is also questioning his sexuality, as at one point
he attempts to join the farmer in his shower, and for several nights crawls
into Helmer's bed, refusing to return to his upstairs room which once belonged
to the now-dead Henk.
Helmer, although a bit confused by the boy's action, refuses to return
any affection, and Henk grows daily angrier about the relationship and his
place on this farm. Is he a replacement of the other Henk, he assertively asks.
Although Helmer, unlike his father, refuses to abuse the boy, either
verbally or sexually, the relationship between the two resembles Helmer's and
his father's. Like Helmer, the young Henk is clearly unable to explore love in
this environment.
As the situation begins to become more and more tense, Helmer writes
Riet, telling her that he intends to send the boy home. Henk, however, rips
open the letter before it is mailed, and burns it.
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